Proactive -VS- Reactive

It's my opinion (but has probably been supported by a million research studies),

HEALTHY PEOPLE LIVE IN THE MOMENT,

*** with one toe in the future and one toe in the past.***

Depressed people tend to live in the past and Anxious people tend to live in the future.

"Balanced" people move fluidly between these as the situation demands.

"Adulting" is hard and different life phases come with different demands, but adulting always requires proactivity. It's best to maintain our vehicles rather than be stuck on the side of the road. Perhaps we should put aside money every month so we can pay Uncle Sam our yearly taxes. Most grown-ups understand these concepts and successful ones implement them.

Emotionally healthy people know how to be proactive to protect themselves by setting proper boundaries. Think about that difficult co-worker or family member we know we have to see or deal with........ as the dread sets in, our power declines. Being proactive gives us power and being reactive reduces our power. Human beings are NOT good at being helpless. We need to feel powerful, even if it's one little "win" at a time. Reactive people are fatigued, overworked, scattered, late, anxious/depressed, etc, etc, etc.

Proactivity from a mental health perspective takes energy, assertiveness, and discipline. Proactivity is a constantly changing perspective and we are not always good at it.

If you put some effort in NOW, you'll be preventing future regrets and improve your mental state.

Here are some examples of proactive choices/behaviors:

• Ask for help (Try it, you'll like it!)

• Make a to-do list

• Set an "end time" for a visit or date with another person

• Ask for painful or heated subjects to be off-limits (IN ADVANCE)... politics or religion anyone??

• Put your keys in a specific place every time you walk in the door

• Take the extra 5 minutes to put your prescription on auto-fill

• Within reason, express that you feel sad, lonely, angry, tired, upset so that others are aware and can be sensitive to those needs.

• Say "NO" when asked, if the answer is "no." It increases stress and takes extra time to make excuses and cancel later.

• Use "If / then" statements: "If we go to the restaurant in town X, then I will need to leave by 6:30 to get home in time." "If you smoke, we'll need to sit outside." "If you've been drinking, don't call me."

• Be honest with yourself about what you need.

• Take 60 seconds to settle yourself before a difficult situation or meeting with a difficult person.

• Be decisive: Think it through, consider your options, make your decision, and stick to it. There are always exceptions, but well-thought-out decisions are typically proactive and reduce stress.

A special note for those with Type "A" personalities and anxious people: too much proactivity means that you're living in the future. It's all about being balanced.